Navigating Motherhood

Motherhood is a magically difficult journey. Especially trying to navigate co-parenting and being a single mom after divorce. Any “normal” fear or concern you have for your child becomes amplified. Not to mention the new worries that arise like, “Is he okay when he’s not with me?” and, “Are his emotional needs being met now that he has to go back and forth? Does that translate into a lack of stability for his little mind? Am I screwing him up?”

That last thought was such a fear of mine as my marriage came to a close. I remember talking about this with my therapist and expressing that I was so afraid of screwing up my child by getting divorced. I’ll never forget what she told me. “I hate to break it to you, Alexandra, but no matter what you do, you’re going to screw up your child one way or another. If not by this, then I promise it’ll happen with something else. It’s just part of the parent/child relationship… it’s unavoidable. What matters is that you don’t do it intentionally. As long as you always do what you believe is best for him and are willing to acknowledge your own faults and shortcomings, whatever damage you inevitably cause can and will be resolved.” This was such an eye opener for me. It took a lot of stress off my shoulders to realize that even the best parents do things to unintentionally, negatively impact their children. For most of us, the idea of causing our kids harm is deeply upsetting… take comfort in knowing it’s a universal issue and doesn’t have to create irreparable damage if you don’t let it.

I’ve never liked the phrase, “motherhood is not for the weak.” That thinking can make a woman feel like she won’t make/isn’t a good mother. Heaven forbid she already perceives herself as inadequate or unworthy. Being told you won’t survive if you’re “weak” is like telling a ship it won’t sail unless it floats. The same way you won’t realize you can float until you’re in the water, you won’t know the extent of your strength until you become a mother. We are all capable of difficult things and what we don’t realize is that the ship comes with a crew. When it’s time to set sail, lots of assistance comes aboard to aid in your voyage. Like a captain guides the vessel, your intuition steers you confidently in the right direction. Your gut is qualified to make appropriate decisions that benefit you and your child. Just as the engineer ensures a smooth sailing, the inherent love you carry fuels the energy required to move forward. The guidance and clarity you seek is there in your heart. Like the avenging gunner defends the ship and all it’s inhabitants, you stand at the ready to protect your flock. You are prepared to go down fighting for the things you care about. Even as the lowly seaman who keeps the deck clean, so do you enrich your surroundings. If you’re worried you won’t make it because of some perceived weakness, believe me when I say that when strength is truly needed, it will be there waiting. When push comes to shove, you will discover you’re more capable than you ever imagined. You already have what it takes within you to navigate the waters of motherhood.